Saturday, October 27, 2012

50 Reasons NOT to be a Good Cook

1. Your family will eat good, gourmet, fussy “foodie” food.

2. All of it.

3. Quickly, without even tasting it.

4. Yes, they will. And they probably won’t even say thank you.

5. Even though you just spent your pay check and 8 hours of your time making it.

6. You read it on Pinterest; the picture made you think of Venice:

7. That 28 step recipe for gourmet Fusilli Bucati with dry-roasted, organic Serrano peppers marinated in extra-virgin olive oil.

8. And all your girlfriends are making recipes they found on Pinterest.

9. And you really do want to want to cook.

10. So you went to 8 different shops to get the exact ingredients.

11. And you had to change clothes and dress to the nines before you left.

12. Because you wouldn’t be caught dead in THOSE shops wearing jeans and a sweatshirt.

13. And you came home and you followed the recipe exactly.

14. Except for the part about how long to cook the pasta, because you were on Pinterest again.

15. And the pasta turned to mush.

16. So you had to go back to that cute little specialty shop and buy more Fusilli Bucati.

17. And start over.

18. But you did it.

19. You made it again and it looked just like the picture!

20. And it tasted AMAZING.

21. So you found your linen table cloth and silver candlesticks.

22. You set the table with your best China and even cleaned the magazines off the buffet table.

23. You changed your clothes (again) because you smelled like garlic.

24. And you waited.

25. And your husband and kids came home.

26. They walked in and looked around for the candid camera guy.

27. And you came around the corner with your “What? I told you I knew how to cook a great meal” look on your face and asked them to wash up and take a seat.

28. They complied, with feigned whisperings.

29. And that’s when IT happened.

30. They sat down, those teen age boys and that husband of yours, and they started eating.

31. They didn’t stop; they barely breathed.

32. They practically licked the serving bowl.

33. They ate ALL the Fusilli Bucati AND the $20-loaf-of-bread AND the baby green (with homemade vinaigrette dressing) salad.

34. And you watched helplessly, passing the requested items.

35. And when they finished, with wadded linen napkins all in a jumble, they said,

36. “What’s for dessert?”

37. So, you got up quietly, folding your napkin beside your plate.

38. You walked to the kitchen and opened the cupboard.

39. A half-eaten bag of Oreos was staring you in the face.

40. You grabbed the Oreos and tossed them on the table.

41. Your kids didn’t even blink.

42. They opened the bag and devoured them all.

43. Then they took their dirty dishes to the dishwasher.

44. And you spent an hour cleaning up the dining room and kitchen.

45. The next day, you read magazines--all day.

46. And ten minutes before dinner, you threw generic pasta in the pot and opened a jar of Ragu.

47. And a bag-o-salad.

48. And the kids and the husband came home and ate from paper plates.

49. You served fresh Oreos.

50. And you quit pinning recipes on your Pinterest board.


  1. Not Mike and the boys--surely not!

    luvya, j
    (comment via email)

  2. Actually, you're right. It's fairly hypothetical. But we do have an ongoing debate at our house. Because no matter how long it takes me to make something, they eat it with the same ferocity. It's annoying, and makes me not want to cook. Mike says it should be a compliment....hmmmm....I think that's because he's never spent the hours behind the stove... xoxoxox

  3. There is a home in Chester, VT where that debate has been enjoined from time to time.

    lotsaluv, john
    (from email)

  4. Glad to see you still have your sense of humor!

    From Jody via email

  5. This is so true!

    (Comment via facebook.)

  6. Once when Brett was still a teen, I asked him if he liked my cooking and the meal he was eating in particular. He said,"I'm eating it ain't I?" Such a wonderful complement!Phsh! I know how you feel. However, He now says, "Thanks for the great meal mom and thanks for preparing it for us." So,Things have changed.

  7. Once,many years ago, my mother-in-law and I were out on a shopping trip. The trip was winding down and we were getting ready to come home. I stated, let's stop at that nice bakerey and get some nice frech donuts for the guys. She said, "Why they'll just eat them." I laughed so hard, but I've never forgotten that she said that. And over the years I've come to realize what she meant. (Suzette, via facebook)

  8. Works that way at my house too! (Susan via facebook)

  9. Confession: I've only really been on pinterest a couple of times. To sign up, and to enter a contest!