1.
Your family will
eat good, gourmet, fussy “foodie” food.
2.
All of
it.
3.
Quickly, without
even tasting it.
4.
Yes, they will.
And they probably won’t even say thank you.
5.
Even though you
just spent your pay check and 8 hours of your time making
it.
6.
You read it on
Pinterest; the picture made you think of Venice:
7.
That 28 step
recipe for gourmet Fusilli Bucati with dry-roasted, organic Serrano peppers
marinated in extra-virgin olive oil.
8.
And all your
girlfriends are making recipes they found on Pinterest.
9.
And you really do
want to want to cook.
10.
So you went to 8
different shops to get the exact ingredients.
11.
And you had to
change clothes and dress to the nines before you left.
12.
Because you
wouldn’t be caught dead in THOSE shops wearing jeans and a
sweatshirt.
13.
And you came home
and you followed the recipe exactly.
14.
Except for the
part about how long to cook the pasta, because you were on Pinterest
again.
15.
And the pasta
turned to mush.
16.
So you had to go
back to that cute little specialty shop and buy more Fusilli
Bucati.
17.
And start
over.
18.
But you did
it.
19.
You made it again
and it looked just like the picture!
20.
And it tasted
AMAZING.
21.
So you found your
linen table cloth and silver candlesticks.
22.
You set the table
with your best China and even cleaned the magazines off the buffet table.
23.
You changed your
clothes (again) because you smelled like garlic.
24.
And you
waited.
25.
And your husband
and kids came home.
26.
They walked in
and looked around for the candid camera guy.
27.
And you came
around the corner with your “What? I told you I knew how to cook a great meal”
look on your face and asked them to wash up and take a seat.
28.
They complied,
with feigned whisperings.
29.
And that’s when
IT happened.
30.
They sat down,
those teen age boys and that husband of yours, and they started
eating.
31.
They didn’t
stop; they barely breathed.
32.
They practically
licked the serving bowl.
33.
They ate ALL the
Fusilli Bucati AND the $20-loaf-of-bread AND the baby green (with homemade
vinaigrette dressing) salad.
34.
And you watched
helplessly, passing the requested items.
35.
And when they
finished, with wadded linen napkins all in a jumble, they
said,
36.
“What’s for
dessert?”
37.
So, you got up
quietly, folding your napkin beside your plate.
38.
You walked to the
kitchen and opened the cupboard.
39.
A half-eaten bag of Oreos was staring you in the face.
40.
You grabbed the
Oreos and tossed them on the table.
41.
Your kids didn’t even blink.
42.
They opened the
bag and devoured them all.
43.
Then they took
their dirty dishes to the dishwasher.
44.
And you spent an hour cleaning up the dining room and
kitchen.
45.
The next day, you
read magazines--all day.
46.
And ten minutes
before dinner, you threw generic pasta in the pot and opened a jar of
Ragu.
47.
And a
bag-o-salad.
48.
And the kids and
the husband came home and ate from paper plates.
49.
You served fresh
Oreos.
50.
And you quit
pinning recipes on your Pinterest board.